We Get What We Deserve

blind believers
salt my wounds with
forced tears of mercy

and they tell me
there’s a man above and
a beast below and
I am stuck somewhere
in between

these believers with their
fear drenched faith
warn me of an end
yet unseen

and I must choose
a place for my
soul bruised black
because tomorrow is
too late

and I tell them I’ve
gambled god’s grace
and I drank whiskey
with the devil
in my living room

and I have chosen
to believe in
Myself

and just like the
bird in the sky
and the worm in
the ground
we all have our
place

and none of us
deserve anything
better
than death

Master Bathroom

I have brushed my teeth bloody
and I spit infection from my sinuses
into the sink, because
sleep didn’t heal me and
no remedy is offered for things
so incurable and stubborn and

the bathroom mirror reflects
an image of a young man worn
senseless by years of struggle
and mistake and I am reminded
of why there is always a noose
and bucket, a bridge high enough
to soar from, a gun loaded in
the drawer with one final bullet
just in case

my swollen eyes forced to close
from the weight of a heavy
life viewed in one continuous loop
so many times, so contagious, I am sick
with the sight of it and I beg god
for a sleep that lasts forever
because I am tired and
I am empty and

I am beginning to understand
why people murder their lovers
and burn their houses
to the ground and why the cockroach
will never die